{Autumn Blush | Changing of the Seasons}

Fall amazes me... I love the changing of the season, the colors, the feel and smell of the air, the way that time just seems to stand still for a single moment and take a deep breathe as nature transitions from one extreme to another. (sweet sigh) <3 I do, however, NOT like winter. I love TN for its mid-late spring and fall... I can do without the other extremes. (lol) But one favorite thing, as cliche as it may seem, are the apples. I LOVE APPLES this time of the year, and eat a ton. I discovered honey crisp apples last fall from a client/friend, and they are ONLY out this time of the year... they are so sweet, juicy, crisp and the smell they radiate is like what you get out of an apple scented candle!! They are THE PERFECT apple. ANYWAY :) Enough on the apples... this post is about change - and to everything its time, place and purpose.

 

My sweet girl, my family life, everything in our life has gone through an incredible amount of change even since B's birthday at the start of this Sept. (she turned 2!!). Being a small business owner in this downward economy is one of the biggest challenges we could ever face in life in this day and time I do believe. The hubby owns a comic/collectibles shop, and I, of course, have my photography business. This is our lively hood, and we depend on these things to pay our bills and buy our groceries, and Heaven forbid take care of any medical expenses we incur; obviously, clothing and everyday little things we need, as well. God is so good, and somehow we always make it; there is so much more I am starting to realize, though, and all of my plans for the start of the New Year will bring about several changes for both our businesses. In turn, it will allow me, alone, more time for the ever growing, learning and changing Miss B.... I guess you can see in the following images how much I love to capture her and her world. I try to keep a healthy mix of the two in all up-date photos from month to month of her changes. I can only pray for the Lord's favor, as I instate my own business changes, and the hubby's goes through a big change, also. I am not able to share near as much right now as I would like to. BUT, I wanted to blog and share the simplest of messages .... take the time this holiday season and in the New Year to come to SERIOUSLY think about your schedule, structure of your work and/or business life, and find a way to focus on what is right in front of you. Change is SO fast. We learned this all too well on Oct. 9th, when the cafe next door to the building we still owned (and had on the market) burned to the ground in downtown McMinnville, and so unfortunately took ours with it. There is so much still going on with all that, and that just adds a mountain of stress to our lives that we did not need. SO, with that happening, it just showed me I need to step back and RETHINK and restructure my own agenda, to truly and best fit into taking time for my marriage, my sweet kiddos AND MYSELF. Until next time...... and it won't be too long I promise.... Heather

{.HOPE :: LEVI'S STORY.}

[Wednesday, October 4th, 2006 | 7 A.M.] Light was just breaking through my bedroom window blinds, and I bolted awake to a giant shutter in my swollen belly. "Whoa, there sweet boy!," I muttered. Barely able to lay on my side, I repositioned, propped myself on my side as much as my ever-growing belly would allow, then off to sleep I drifted for another 2 hours. As I awoke, I noticed that I just did not feel as well as I had most mornings, I was overly sluggish and just did not feel up to the morning bath that I had grown accustomed to taking once I rolled out of bed. I proceeded to spend a few hours in my favorite chair in the living room, getting water as I needed it, and not really feeling like eating; I vaguely recall eating half a peanut butter bagel for breakfast, and later a turkey sandwich on wheat bread, and drinking nothing but water and milk. The morning wore on and turned to afternoon, and I had cat napped in my comfy chair off and on, doing nothing more than cradling my large pop belly. By about 3 p.m. it hit me.... in my sleepy state, I honestly could not remember, aside from the moment at 7 a.m. that I was jarred awake to the growing, bouncing baby boy flopping around, when was the last time I had felt him move?!? I proceeded to call my OB, and since they closed at 4:30 they referred me on to the ER where I was to give birth; assuring me that my mid-wife would be there to take care of me.

A little back story first, though... I was separated from the father of my son, working on a divorce; this was a pregnancy that was completely unexpected. I had no reason to believe I could conceive at that point, as I had been diagnosed by two different Dr.'s as not being able to do so. My then husband, decided that he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and while not sleeping in the same bed, came in to take it anyway during the wee hours of the morning before my sleep aid had worn off. At about 4 months pregnant I got out of the relationship, and tried to go about my life.... back to the story at hand though.

Once at the ER, I was taken in quickly, hooked to an ultrasound and heart monitor; my dear friend and spiritual mentor, Peggy, met me at the ER, along with my Aunt Cynthia. Within 30 minutes I knew... that dreadful feeling I had had ever since I left my grandmother's house was right - my son was gone only 6 weeks before his due date. At first I cried, but quickly I found some solace... he was with his Gram's - my mom, Angie (whom had passed on Sept. 6th, 2000 from cervical cancer). I knew that he was with her and our Father in Heaven, and that he and I were spared from a life of drama and chaos that surely would have been ahead. I was given a choice once I knew my son's fate - stay at the hospital, be induced and give birth and be able to see him and find out what had caused his death, or go home and let it settle for a day or two and then return. Obviously, I wanted to see his face, hold him even if for only a few minutes. I wanted to count his fingers and toes and see that sweet face that I had seen in silhouette form for so many months via the ultra sound images, and KNOW just how real he had been.

It took me about 26 hours from the time they induced me until I finally gave birth. My Dr. informed me when his head was finally out that my birth canal was too narrow, and had he been any bigger I would have been rushed into a c-section. Levi Willam was born at 2:26 a.m. on Oct. 6th into the living, breathing world, weighing in at 5lbs/12oz. and was 20 inches long. He was THE SWEETEST. I could see myself and his dad in him; he favored my middle brother as a baby for the most part, though, and the nurses worked wonders putting him in his sweet outfit, and at making him smell like a newborn baby. <3 (sigh) A few days later was his funeral - it was simple and so full of from everyone around me. We released blue and white balloons at the end .... I will never forget that site.

After the divorce I moved on as soon as I could... I found healing in my [now] amazing, sweet husband, the Lord and a move across the country to California. I had been friends with Garner for over a year and a half, well before I knew Levi's dad, and once I separated from Levi's dad Gar was by my side as much as he could be being 3000 miles away. I was given a 1-way ticket to Cali, I took the chance and did not look back; it was the move I needed most. Nothing else would have helped me heal like that move did. We married Sept. 4th, 2007 and in Dec. 2008 we conceived our sweet "B" ... while pregnant with her, my body really did not handle the pregnancy like it did the first time, and while she was always a picture of health, no matter how hard I tried, I was not. I was on bed rest SO much of the pregnancy, and my already messed up back stayed even more messed up laying and sitting all the time. The entire pregnancy I had one song that kept helping me get through each day ... a song by Addison Road - HOPE NOW. Since the time I was 17 I had dreamed about a little girl, knowing that one day, I would have her, and somehow I knew with Levi that he was not ever meant to be here on this earth. "B" was different though, and I knew she was a girl 100% for certain well before the ultrasound confirmed it. And now, every single day that she grows, I recall those vivid dreams that give me SO much hope from right before my mom passed away - that one day, I would have a little girl of my own. "B" was born Sept. 8th, 2009 at 8:46 a.m. at 7lbs/9pz and was 20 1/2 inches long. Her full name was one that was not thought of or up lightly :) {CALLEIGH ELIZABELLA KARA}. Seeing her everyday - her smile, her giggles, her dances and sweet, silly personality - I KNOW KNOW KNOW that she is THAT little girl I was given the dreams... the VISION OF HOPE of. It is hard, but she is the only little one I ever give birth to, until and if the Lord ever sees it fit for me to ever give birth again, or for us to have the means to adopt.

I could not have said it quiet this well, so I am going to quote a dear friend of mine and something she said about hope... and this is SO true in my life.... no matter how many times I want to or I wanted to give up I couldn't and can't. I was raised in a life of FAITH and in Church....

When our hope is built on Christ we have a solid foundation on which to stand. Hope grounded in Him gives faith that will carry us through any storm; with confidence that He will see us through. He is our hope for today, and strength for tomorrow. - Calysta G.

It is my prayer... MY HOPE ... that this is read by someone who needs to see it most; that you KNOW that everything will be alright, and that you CAN keep going no matter what you are facing right now. There is always a reason to keep going, to keep moving forward, and I pray that if it that reason is not right in front of you that somehow, some way it is revealed to you.

God Bless You Each and Everyone... In his Light, Love & Hope ....

Heather

{Summer In Review}

My Sweet B... this was such a fun summer... watching her grow and blossom further into toddler-hood. She is amazing! She loves to dance, sing, quote the movies and shows she watches over and over; B gives the best neck hugs, and says THANK YOU at every turn. This is such a bitter-sweet time - watching her grow is such a blessing and joy, yet I am losing bitty baby more and more with each passing week. She is on the verge of spouting out sentence after sentence... she faintly mutters and constantly jabbers, and is SO close to actually speaking out right. I know one day B will wake to us being able to fully understand every word. These memories are ones I NEVER want to forget no matter what happens - every face, every giggle, snicker, pout, sincere or silly, I NEVER want my mind's eye to lose them; even if my physical vision one day grows to no longer being able to look back on the images the way I once could. <3

Our life right now is full of this... we are trying so hard to figure out what is best for us, praying and seeking the Lord and the advice of others... we are looking for a new place to move to IN town where we live. Currently, we are in a less-than-ideal situation living about 8 miles out of the city limits, and my night vision is getting worse and worse. Not to mention, gas, school and everything else we need to be able to get to... this house where we are now was a blessing right when we needed it most, and now we are looking for another blessing... something in our price range (constantly praying the property we have for sell in our old home town will find itself a new owner soon and relieve our budget some more), and in the location we need with everything in it that we need. Right now is a searching game... every day we are checking Craigs List, LSN (a local classifieds site, the local paper, property management sites, etc.) We are not giving up at all. BUT in the middle of all this is remembering to PRAY and LISTEN and seek the Lord's direction when we get the "doors and windows" slammed shut at every turn b/c something is just not going to work out for that particular place.

These are the bits of summer I have found an artistic way to capture... this has been SUCH a HOT summer. In the middle of even the driest days of August I managed to find the bits of beauty that made it through the drought. I guess this is kind of like our life... pushing and pushing, looking and seeking the sun light and every drop of moisture possible to sustain us. This economy is none-to-kind to any of us anymore, but especially the small business owners who believe in local and community business and supporting one another from within our country.

This swing has been one of my B's favorite things this summer... by next year she may or may not fit in it; we may or may not have a tree to hang it from ... but I will always remember her joy in this swing... and her looking out the living room window or being out in the yard and making a mad dash for it yelling "Sweem, Mama, Sweem!!!" :) <3

These beautiful, bright yellow flowers... maybe weeds, I am not sure, but they really made me think of this summer... full of my LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE -B- :) And my sweet men (Gar & Alex).... they all 3 love to make you smile and beam. :) I hope and pray that this blog post finds you all well; that your "summer" is coming to a blessed close, and that as Sept. turns into Oct. and October into November and December that we all remember what is most important this coming holiday season ... the reason we celebrate it all (Jesus Christ), and that family takes precedence over work, presents, etc. Until next time... good night and Happy Labor Day Weekend :) Enjoy and be safe!! *P.S. up next time will be B's birthday and our wedding anniversary photos... her party and our anniversary are both Sunday the 4th. Her bday is the 8th :) *

{Day to Day...}

This has been ONE HOT SUMMER. The hottest I can remember in a while. :) I was looking at B's lonely little airplane swing here... it has just been TOO hot to be out any time of the day almost. :( But I promised her we would go out there today. :D

I have a strong love for the word HOPE. It means so much to me, and my life and my life's story. When I had nothing else, and did not even want to keep the faith or have hope, I kept on trying to believe in all of these things, including love. No matter what. I have managed to take some flower shots this summer that I love, so I want to do something with several of them :) This seemed appropriate to me.

Bye bye "Ba'Ba" .... this is HARD... breaking her from the bottle has been TOUGH. Harder than anything so far. B was not SO attached until she got really, really sick back in April. I loved her smiles and playfulness here... the pic on the right is her "Happy" .... little silk rags that her Nana made for her to sleep with and hold whenever. They are the other biggest source of comfort for her, but after her sickness in the spring (and my planning to break her from it this summer), really set me back. I am thinking we are on well on the way to her being Bottle & Sippy cup free, though; as she has decided that no bottle in bed means no sippy either... she cries and fusses and gives up and goes on to sleep.... so we will see :)

 

This 

 

 

This was not the deepest of posts :) But I just wanted to share a few personal photos and a little about life.... Have a great day y'all!! 

HUGS,

Heather

{Simple. Beautiful.}

And in time, all is shown; the beautiful, the ugly, the pure of heart, and that or those of ill-regard. To everything a time, a season, a reason and rhyme, so with this simple thought, everything and everyone is beautiful in the beginning. Time changes, creates and molds; temptations, choices, or forces of nature, all of these inevitably change things, and beauty is shown in all different ways. Call it a mistake or happenstance, either way, God makes none; His choice for us is deliberate, and intended for the best, but by human flaw and design we make things appear abnormal, impure and not what they are. Look in the mirror and you will see, no matter what the seasons have done to you, to your heart, to your appearance - there is always time to change it if you do not like what you see. Beauty simply IS, and only what it can and will be and will become.  
- Heather L. [August 2011]

{Summer 2011 | I've Got Sunshine...}

I was simply AMAZED to get to capture this gorgeous butterfly. For one single moment... only about 10 seconds I guess, there was this beautiful yellow monarch. It was PERFECT. I was stooped down and taking photos of a beautiful model, and right by her was this lovely Queen Ann's Lace. She and I were admiring this lovely weed, and suddenly here came this yellow  monarch. I was ELATED. Though, I did not catch the BRIGHT yellow on the underside [that you cannot see here], I was still in AWE of this capture. My 50mm is not meant to capture something so closely, but this was the closet I could get, and I LOVE IT. <3 I had to share. The edit for this image was sun kissed inspired all the way. :]

My sweet B.... always smiling, always silly and curious... She loves the sunshine, horses, cows, twirly skirts, shoes and boots; Is super in love with Strawberry Shortcake (affectionately known as "Cheese Cake" by her wording ;] ), Minnie Mouse, her Little Foot dinosaur and necklaces (beads!) :] She is always on the move, thus "B" - whether you want to say she is my sweet BLESSING or just a plain ole "Busy Bee", the nickname "B" suits her so well. It is ironic that she loves the sunshine so much - she was named after Californian (Calleigh is her spelling though), her middle name was a compromise of my love for all things Italian & Beautiful & having a sweet friend named Elizabeth - so became Elizabella) and then her 2nd middle name - Kara is for her daddy's love of Superman/Supergirl/Smallville after Kara El. :] And so, Little Miss Sunshine is officially Calleigh Elizabella Kara Loudermilk ... What a mouthful, right?! Needless to say, she has OPTIONS as she grows up. lol <3

 

It has been nearly 4 years since I looked into these sweet, loving eyes. :] We have been through SO much, and I know somehow we will make it no matter what, we always have. He is definitely the light that came into my life at one its darkest times; after losing my sweet son, Levi, 6 wks before he was due in 2006. That is an entire story ALL ITS OWN, but Garner was my angel sent from the Lord to see me through and out of the terrible situation in which Levi was conceived. He had been a friend prior to that relationship (with my ex) and loss, and then when I needed him most, there he was... to show me love, care and attention I had never known or dreamed of [outside of knowing the Lord as my Savior and spiritual light]. I love you, Boo!! <3

This is sweet Alex... smart, funny, and so much like his daddy it is not even funny... OK WELL IT IS really ;) LOL But he is such a doll, and I am so glad that he came with the package deal of marrying Garner. I could not ask for a sweet step-son. And SHHHH... but I LOVE to hear his sweet singing voice!!! He is GOOD. I am trying to help him learn more, and encourage him to go for choir in school. ;) I want him to learn more. And on top of it all, he is SO SMART. A primarily STRAIGHT A student since Kindergarten, and now just started 6th grade. Love this kid!! <3

Capturing it all.... this shot looked GREAT in color, do not get me wrong, but this had MEMORY LANE written all over it. B was walking to the garden at her Grandma (or to B she is Mema and to Alex known as Grandma... B is her OWN kid, and chooses how she wants to say a name for everyone lol) .... It is a long story, but I always want to remember these moments... I snapped this to better imbed it in my mind's eye, so that no matter how long my eye sight holds, I can just think back and see this so clearly. :) 

Good night all :) Go cuddle your loved ones tight, and be thankful for these days.... it is what we are promised. 

All My Love,

Heather-Kole

| Simply Blessed |

The more I "grow up" the more I realize, as I watch my sweet little girl grow and blossom into a little lady, the more I realize two things... 1) I am so simply & beautifully blessed and 2) that I still have so far to go on this journey we call life...

"There is a lot that I don't understand in life... I'm just thankful I have it, and life more abundantly! 

-Dustin Green"

My little B & her bff Leela - Best friends forever :)

| CONSUMING |

Do you ever wish you could play the music just a little louder through the headphones? Consume yourself in the tune, the melody, the enchantment of a song? Letting yourself become wrapped in a soothing blanket of melodic comfort, and finding sweet inner peace, as you pray for rest and comfort to consume you so that you can let go and feel free, even if for a brief three-and-a-half minutes you can let it all go or let it all out?